i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
