i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
