ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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