Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
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But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
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No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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