Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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