Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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