All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
