Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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