Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize