Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
