I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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