She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
