dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
