Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
