how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
