cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
