I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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