you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
