Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
