Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
