I'm so fucking centered right now
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
