I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
