i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
