fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
