I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
