ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
