he shaved USA in his pubs
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
