Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
