my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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