I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
