How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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