Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
