please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
