Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
