Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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