If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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