My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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