I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
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It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
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I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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