You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
