she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
