I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
