Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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