Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
