if i can run in heels then i can drive
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
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