we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
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