Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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