To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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