i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
