This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
