He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
