We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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