mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
