Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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