I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
