Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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