she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
