Christians are straight up FREAKS
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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