you would pick up someone in the library
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
