you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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