i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
