I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize