Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
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there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
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When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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