Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
