she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
