I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
