question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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