if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
