We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
