apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
