I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
