I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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