Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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