I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
