Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
