just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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