I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
