I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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