That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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